A New Effect
by DarkShadowRain
Summary: The events of this story take place after ME2, presuming Shepard chose to destroy the reaper base, Kaiden Alenko was romanced by Shepard in ME1 and 2. Shepard managed to destroy the reaper base in the Omega 4 relay, despite being let down and abandoned by friends she considered close, and by her lover. However the threat remains and she must now muster the courage to survive...
1. How hard it is to forget

_The events of this story take place after Mass effect 2, presuming Shepard chose to destroy the reaper base, Kaiden Alenko survived, as did Wrex, however this story also takes a directive in which the Arrival DLC never occurred. The following is my own interpretation of the effects after Mass Effect 2, which I thought up during the time before Mass Effect 3 came out. Which I am now putting to paper... in a sense._

**How hard it is to forget**

Only a few days had passed since the Reaper base had been destroyed, days that blurred together. A suicide mission they called it – but that would imply death, in which none was lost. Shepard sat in her bed, head pressed into her hands as her long black hair cloaked her face. Staring into those hands she remember the horror of the human reaper she had destroyed, never before had she been that afraid. Thousands of lives lost, and the means in which it was done, she couldn't image the pain of being digested alive – the reapers truly were evil, to do such a thing to a person, death should be quick she thought, a bullet to the head or a biotic crush of a skull, not like that.

Shepard collapsed onto her back looking up to the space window, her ocean blue eyes reflecting in the glass as she looked out into the black, swirls of colour hazed past, they were traveling back to the citadel upon request of the council. Shepard didn't know what to think, seeing the council again after they discarded her. With their help many a life could have been saved, sure she understood the reputation Cerberus has, she herself with initial suspicion discovered the Illusive Mans disturbing intent, however this was her, she did those missions on her own accord, to save life's, and they betrayed her… They left her… He left her…

Her sculpted body creaked with disuse as she rose to sit on the edge of her bed, her tank top tight against her muscular frame. She crossed the distance of the loft and headed for the shower, discarding her boy-shorts and top. A hot shower – to clear her head, days like these she wished alcohol had an effect on her.

The mess was empty when shepard arrived, her long hair tied in its usual bun, she wore a loose hoody and trackpants. Gardener was preparing dinner as Shepard headed for the kitchen, her body seemed to not require much food anymore, she hadn't noticed in the past month with all the busyness of saving humanity, grabbing a shake out the fridge she heading up to the cockpit.

It was all too quiet, this ship had become a graveyard. Bodies inhabiting it but the feel of it was not quite right, like something was lost in the Omega 4 relay, the ships moral perhaps, the enormity of the enemy was realised in that relay, and many had lost their faiths, and Shepard had lost the desire to reunite them. "Kelly" Shepard called, the red-head was staring dasidly into her screen. "Shepard… I didn't see you there. How did you sleep?" The girl looked exhausted and worn, hardly able to hold her gaze, "I slept fine, you look tired, how are you hold'n up?" Kelly's gaze left Shepards as her eyes searched the floor, "I'm fine..". "Kelly?" She looked up into Shepards disbelieving eyes "Ok Shepard, I haven't been sleeping, everytime I try its like im there again. I can see them, the collectors - and I watch… I watch as they dissolve, people like you and I, dissolving". Kelly eyes began to well up. "If it wasn't for you Shepard. If you hadn't got there when you did.." her voice cracked. "Kelly seeing that, being there, it was hard, but your safe now". Shepard closed the gap between them and rested a hand on her PA's shoulder "Look go downstairs and get some sleep ok, EDI can hold up the slack while your gone, were not due to arrive at the Citadel for another 6hours". Kelly to exhausted to protest nodded her head in agreement and headed to the elevator.

Shepard headed to the terminal to check her messages, there was only one. It was from him. Her heart dropped, and she quickly closed the terminal. "Shepard?" Garrus called from behind her, "Hey Garrus, I was just…"Shepard had forgotten what she was doing, where she was, everything. It had apparently been 2 years and 4 months, and yet he still affected her so. Garrus's face softened with worry, he turned half facing the elevator "I say its about time for a sparring session, would you?" Giving her his best attempt at a smile with his ridgit mandibles. With Garrus around Shepard could breath again, whats done is done after all, though without Garrus's sparing sessions she would have gone mad from the pain as it was only then she stopped thinking, between the jabs, hooks, and throws, the blood and sweat she was at peace. The two headed down to the shuttle bay leaving the unopened email.

_That's the end for my first chapter, I'm sorry if it was a bit boring I really wanted to set the scene however i can guarantee there will be a lot more drama and points of interest later on :)_


	2. The Citadel

The crew had gathered in the briefing room as Shepard entered with Garrus in tow, flexing his arm which Shepard had locked him with just moments ago, her bruises from her sparing session where already healing leaving a slight tingling on her skin.

"Lose again Garrus?" Jack called playfully

"Draw actually"

"Bullshit" she snickered

Shepard looked around the room to the faces of her crew – her friends, some of which hadn't changed, however crew members like Kelly, the mission had taken a toll on them. "OK" Shepard called "Will we be in port till further notice until then I grant you all shore leave, I have no idea how things will go with the council but one things for sure, the Reapers are still out there and our mission is not over, you have been through hell, all of you, and you deserve a rest, you will be notified when the situation changes, dismissed." With that a majority of the crew left, leaving only her companions,

Jack: "So whats the plan?"

"I am going to speak with the council, the must recognise the reaper threat now, you all heard Harbinger, the real threat is coming, and god if anything we just pissed them off"

Miranda: "the council has not helped you before Shepard, I doubt they will now, unless the threat is at their doorstep they seem happier to remain oblivious"

Jacob: "The footage we got of that human-reaper, ther'd have to be stupid to not acknowledge that!"

Shepard: "You'd think… Anyways you are all free to do what you want till we leave port, I can image we are going to be stuck here for some time".

[Aye Commander] The group then left the room each going their separate ways, Samara and Jack stayed behind however.

Samara: "Commander I have no reason to explore the citadel if you allow it I would like to accompany you".

Shepard nodded.

Jack: "…I've never even been to the citadel, so, fuck. Ill tag along too!"

Sheppard was glad for the company as she headed up to the presidium, up the stairs to the councils chamber.

Asari Counciler: "Shepard..."

Shepard: "Councilors"

Shepard glanced at each of the 3 councilors, making note of Anderson being not present, none of them looked pleased to see her, rather that an annoyance had returned. "News of your exploits has reached our ears, when you asked for assistance previously we had not hoped you were actually a part of the Cerberus organization but now the Normandy has docked bearing their mark. What are we to think?" The Turian councilor questioned, his face marked white with elaborate war tattoos."I told you before, Cerberus played a hand in my resurrection and assisted me with the nessarary items for the mission but I am not with them! I have cut all ties to the illusive man!" "So you say…" The Salarian councilor muttered, Shepard hopes began to fail, and a pit of rage began to form in the gut, they still didn't believe her. After all this time, after all she had done, only more betrayl. Her patience was wearing thin. "Look!" She barked out as the vid of the human-reaper fanned out from her omni tool. "This is a reaper, a human reaper made with tens of thousands of human lives, lives in which if you had assisted me you might have been able to save! Cerberus knew this threat was current, and they helped, the Illusive mans motives may not of been pure but because of him my race still exists right now!" The vid came to an end and the shocked yet composed experessions of the council members returned to Shepard. "As terrifying and unbelievable as it seems, we are at war. And this was just the beginning. I ask you now will you help me? You can still make up for lost time if you unite the council races and build an army to defeat this threat!" She looked promisingly at their faces, begging they would finally open their eyes to her words. The council room was silent, jack shifted her footing, Samara held her majestic form. The council members remained still for a while then began flicking messages between each other from their displays, discussing the situation in private. Shepard's heart was in her throat waiting for their decision.

It was the Turian who was the first to speak, his face holding remorse over the loss of life, but still composed "Shepard, you are right we have been slow to trust and act before, but, we cannot acknowledge such a threat, you have no proof that any more of these reapers even exist! The fact that they had to make one themselves suggests…" Shepard cut him off, outraged "They had to make one to find the most effective means to wipe out humans! Don't you get it they haven't encountered us before! They want to know what we are before they destroy us! Don't make the same mistake twice, do something!" Then the Salarian spoke out "This is too difficult to believe Shepard, you must understand how insane this sounds, a sentient race coming to wipe out all life! And coming from a species so young… (a point they had made many a time, in which many believed humanity was too young to be seated on the council) surely if this Reaper exists older races such as the Asari would have encountered it". Shepard's fist clenched. Last to betray her the Asari "Shepard we cannot act on your beliefs alone, you shall keep your spectre status, and you have our thanks on removing this 'threat on humanity', but (there's always a but) we believe this is the end of this mission, Reapers are not real, and whatever they might have been you have already destroyed. Please take some rest, you look like you haven't sleep in a decade. Rest your mind and relax, your mission is over. We shall hold your ship till your condition improves." And it was done.

Shepard's eyes blurred with rage, and his fists clenched, she bit down on her lip, turning on her heel and marching out of the chamber, Jack and Samara hot on her heels. The 3 entered the elevator.

Jack: "well that could have gone better..."

Samara: "Indeed".

Suddenly both Jack and Samara around for a loud smashing noise flooded into their ears, Sheppards fist smashed against the elevator wall, each punch leaving a larger dent than the last, and a bloody mark against the wall.

Samara: "Shepard!"

Shepard stopped then as Samara and Jack grabbed at her arms to make her stop. As did the elevator. One deep breath, and her composure was regained. "Lets head back to the Ship ive had enough of the citadel for one day" Shepard marched of the elevator her hand dripping with blood for only a moment, till her wounds repaired themselves. 


	3. Old friends

It took hours for Shepard to calm down, she sat in the observation lounge a bottle of vodka in her hand, wondering if she drank the whole bottle whether she would experience being tipsy - probably not. Sure the regeneration, super human strength, and increased reflexes were great, but she missed the simple things in life like getting drunk. "Cheers to you Illusive man!" She said sarcastically aloud. The descision of the council waying heavily in her mind and she was alone again... The door opened and Liara entered.

Sheppard: "Liara!" Shepard looked at her old friend, placing the bottle down and standing to welcome her.

Liara: "Shepard, it has been too long"

The two came together for a embrace, Shepard gave her friend the once over, she looked tired, dark rings below her eyes and her voice ragged.

Sheppard: "You're here? What about your work as the shadow broker?"

Liara: "I have discovered I don't need to be on the station to preform the nessersary tasks, if possible I would like permission to rejoin the Normandy?" Liara looked optimistic then her eyes looked down to the floor. "There is a storm coming shepard and I think you need all the help you can get."

Shepard: "Your damn right on that, welcome aboard!"

Shepard picked up the bottle and went to the bar to grab her friend a glass, "I heard your meeting with the council didn't go as you had hoped" Shepard knew better than to have to tell the new shadow broker anything. "I don't know why I had expected it to be different..." Shepard slumped down onto the bar stool after handing Liara her drink. Liara sat on the stool opposite her "Shepard, I know how hard it's been for you, you've lost friends, and you've been betrayed, giving up my seem the easiest option for you... but it is not an option the Shepard i know would accept, do not forget what you have achieved, no matter their stubbornness the council will act before the time comes, don't loose yourself before then".

Shepard woke early that morning, 3am. Giving her roughly 3 hours sleep, a new record for the week. She rolled onto her back looking up at the skylight, this time her gave met the outside hanger of the citadel. Her long black hair lay at her sides, she curled into a ball remembering the words she had shared with Liara last night, it was good to have her friend back. Without thinking she got up headed over to her terminal, completely forgetting about the message that waited there. She looked at the Subject it was titled "Important", taking a deep breath she opened it.

_Shepard,_

_You have been requested to meet with the current head of Allicance Acitivy on the citadel - Capt. Jamerson. A meeting has been set for the following…_

_K._

Shepard's gut wrenched in her chest, the message was brief and unemotional not to be expected from the man she had fallen in love with, the date listed was this evening. Part of Sheppard was glad that the mail reflected no signs of emotion, she couldn't deal with her feelings right now, the way he met her on Horizon broke a part of her. She wasn't ready to readdress that yet. Another part of her was devastated... their weren't even mixed feeling or any mention of 'them' in the message, had she meant so little to him? Two years had past and the message he sent her after they met on horizon had indicated he had begun to move on but surely, he must atleast want to know how she is. Shepard closed the terminal and headed for the shower in a mixed-emotional state, another hot shower to wash away the pain.

The day had gone as expected, another sparing session with Garrus and a catch up with Liara, in which Shepard was helping her move a hell of a lot of computer equipment into the Normandy, not entirely sure where to put it at first but Miranda offered her room, declaring she would no longer need the space now connection to Cerberus had been severed.

Shepard departed the ship in her N7 officer outfit to head to the meeting, Jack and Samara had once again tagged along both admitting to be either bored or fancying a walk, Shepard wondered if they were actually bored or whether they were worried about her, she dismissed the thought almost immediately after thinking it however, this Captain Jamerson was her primary concern at the moment, she had never heard of her in all her time in the Alliance. Shepard found this particaulary weird considering the position Jamerson held on the citadel. Maybe her own had begun to hold secrets from her, had even the alliance betrayed her she wondered.

The meeting place was a huge apartment building by the Citadel lake, spanning several stories up, the area was a prime business one, with it now being night lights lit up drawing customers in to flashy casinos, motels, and bars. The group entered the apartment buildings reception and were greeted by a pretty Asari who pointed them to the lift, taking an elevator to 11th floor as indicated in the mail, the building was high-class, not the usual type the alliance had used for meeting, this was a bit overly conspicuous, and outside of the Alliances usual budget – how much had the Alliance changed in the past years Shepard wondered. The elevator chimed to a halt and the doors slid open, her body froze for who stood in front of the door.


	4. The Meeting

**The Meeting**

"Kaidan".

The words left her lips before she had a chance to think, before she had a chance to breath. Everything felt much to real all of a sudden, like she woke up from a deep sleep. Kaidan lost composure for just a second, his jaw slackered and his eyes widened, before regaining a cold demeanour. "Commander Shepard" he spoke, using her title as to insinuate the distance now kept between them. Shepard's heart froze, then it was beating again - only too fast she felt faint "Captain Jamerson is waiting" his voice cold, her chest pulled with pain. Kaidan turned and headed down the hall, Shepard followed mechanically, two alliance soldiers stood outside the door at the end of the hall, rifles in there arms. The door was opened by one and Shepard, Samara and Jack headed in, Kaidan following. Shepard's heart had yet to slow, she felt sick, like someone had punched her in the gut, he truly felt nothing for her any more - and that thought was eating her up her thoughts however were interrupted.

"Commander Shepard, a pleasure to finally meet you" the smooth voice emereged from the back wall in the huge room, a massive window span the entire wall opposite to them where light flooded in from more high-rise building buildings reflecting on the lakes surface, if she wasn't so distracted she would have thought the view beautiful. The woman walked over, her frame was supprisingly delicate for a soldier, her platinum hair tied back in a French plat - too fancy Shepard thought, as she came closer Shepard could make out her eyes, they were dark, and dull, frighteningly so. The Captain wore a blazer covered heavily in medals, in case anyone should question her position, some of which Shepard recognized, strange that she had never heard of her... She clasped Shepards hand, her grip gave away any disbelief in her strength she was incredibly strong, shepard felt her hand crack slightly with the exchange, Jamerson looked down realizing her unnecessary strength and hastity released her clasp. Jamerson looked Shepard in the eye, with a catlike glare "Im sure you have heard much about me from Commander Alenko" she stated, Jamerson's eyes never left Shepard's, who found it incredibly hard to keep composure, hazarding a quick glance in his direction he was by the door with Jack and Samara. Shepards felt her heart drop again, were they a couple? And wait, commander? When did Kaidan get promoted? And he didn't tell her… Shepard was trying desperately to keep her composure now, Jamerson stared at Shepard seemingly fuly aware of the conversations effects. "Actually you were never mentioned" Shepard began, word by word regaining her stature - fight fire with fire "to be honest I never heard anything about you at all during all my time in the Alliance, which is strange – a woman of your position" Jamerson remained concrete. "I am kept on a need to know basis" she half smirked.

Jack and Samara exchanged glances, Jack was particulary unsure of what the hell was going on, Samara more sharp, she had already guessed Kaidan was once Shepard's from the exchange on the elevator, both stood on the ready.

Jamerson suddenly became aware of there presence, allowing her glare to shift from Shepard "If you wouldn't mind, I would like to speak to the Commander in private, official Alliance business"

"Fuck that!" Jack began, "It's OK". Shepard firmly stated her glare re-locked with the Captains. Samara led Jack out the room, Jack muttering under her breath.

"You too Commander Alenko" "But Capta.." Kaiden began, "that was a order Alenko" Jamerson barked, Shepard couldn't image the two of them together, not one bit, the mere thought of it twisted her stomach. Kaiden stared firmly at his commanding officer before nodding, he dared one last glance at Shepard before he turned to leave, a glance she accidentally met and wasn't expecting however this time she held it, it hurt to death but she held his gaze, no butterflies in her chest, just pain and heartache.

Jamerson: "Shepard, I am aware you made attempts to get the forces of the council to work with you in hopes to defeat the reapers"

Shepard: "Yes I have"

Jamerson: "I expect you failed?"

Shepard was taken slightly aback by this. "It didn't go as I hoped, no.. where did you get this information?"

Jamerson: "So thus far, all attempts you have made to gain assistance have failed, the council – time after time you have seeked there aid and they have all but failed you each time. Cerberus, who's goals you thought may actually be just, led you to question humanity, as the Illusive mans power-thirst would have destroyed more lives than it would have saved... Reapers cannot be controlled Shepard, you might as well control the sun, it is a god to humanity, and humanity is but an ant to it".

The conversation was bitter, and unrelenting, Shepard suddenly became aware of how alone she was in this large room the Captain. Jamerson began circling Shepard, the noise of her shoes on the tiled floor echoing in the empty room.

Jamerson: "You have been betrayed Shepard, time and time again, you, a paragon amoung your kind and for what?! You who is willing to risk all for another holds no comfort, you are alone. Your cause futile, your faith lost".

Shepard felt emotion well up in her chest.

Jamerson: "Even the man you love..."

Shepard lost composure then, feeling like she had been punched in the chest by a Krogan. It was true, Kaidan had deserted her, she was alone.

Jamerson: "Even Kaiden betrayed you…"

Betrayal, betrayed, alone, always, NO! Shepard thought her conversation with Liara came into her head, she wouldn't loose herself, Shepard whirled around to stare the woman face-on, but she couldn't. Her body froze, all she felt was a pin-prick on her neck, then she went limp..

She fell backwards against Jamerson, unable to hold up her own weight, her eyes meeting the womans one last time, those eyes, black - dull, evil.

Jamerson: "Your battle is futile human, this is fact, in death you will accept it".

Only minutes had passed since Kaidan had left the room, he now stood in the hall with the two guards, the Asari and the tattooed human woman whose stare was starting to piss him off.

"What!" he barked, unable to take any more.

"Do you have some beef with Shepard pretty boy?" Jack threw back, her gaze malicious, he wont lie she had the look of a rabid dog, he always knew Shepard inspired loyalty in others, but this woman would kill him right-then-and-there if his answer wasn't to her liking. Unlucky for her, Kaidan couldn't give a shit how she felt, he was still regaining himself from seeing her again. He just scoffed and looked away, part of him hoping to initate a fight, god knows he could use a release, his thoughts were going a thousand miles per hour, he wasn't expecting to still feel something, hell Shepard abandoned him for 2 years - for Cerberus!

"Hey Fucker I was talking to you!" Jack closed the gap between them in a second, grabbing his Alliance jacket collar. Suddenly Kaiden felt wrong, sickly wrong, something just wasn't right here, he shoved Jack back and her fist burst into blue plasma but he didn't care. He headed to the door, the two guards prepared to block but reconsidered from one look into their CO's face. He kicked the door open and there she stood, backed up against Jamerson. She looked faint, sickly, on the verge of death.

Jamerson with only 2 fingers pushed Shepard's shoulder lightly, Shepard's body caved, and fell sickenly to the floor with a thud.

Kaidan acted, he didn't even think, reaching back he snatched a rifle from one of the door guards and hastly ran across the room firing at Jamerson. Samara and Jack saw this and burst into action themselves seeing Shepard lie dormant on the floor. Both there bodies flared up with biotics, Jack throw out a huge shockwave damn well nearly destroying the room and opening up the floor to the lower levels, Samara was more delicate producing a similarity then capturing Jamerson in a biotic hold. Kaiden locked his target on Jamerson. "Captain! What the hell is going on here!" He yelled at her, finally getting the time to think. Samara barely able to maintain her hold, Jamerson was so strong, so heavy, she didn't feel human. Jack saw Samara straining and added her clapse to the target, instantly understanding Samaras struggle, both woman were struggling to stay on their feet, their bodies flaring blue plasma. The she erupted with a laugh, in hideous laugh, in a non-human voice "Foolish humans, feel the despair as you watch her die, understand we are your end" with that she dissipated into a swarm of seekers smashing the window and disappearing off into the environment. Jack and Samara collapsed with exhaustion. Kaidens eyes span the room till he saw the limp body of Shepard. Dropping the rifle he sprinted over "Shepard!? Sheppard!" He called shaking her, he then turned to Jack and Samara "Hail Joker she needs immediate medical attention!" with that he picked her body up with ease craddleing it close to his chest, his whole being acting on impulse. His head blurred with adrenaline, he had to save her, he just had too. He sprinted with her out of the room and into the lobby trying to get her back to the Normandy as soon as possible, he couldn't loose her, not again.


	5. The Flood Gate

**The Flood Gate**

"Well?!" Kaidan cried out as Mordin, Chakwas, and Liara stood over shepards dormant body, each with a puzzled look on their faces, each frowning deep with concern. She looked so peaceful, her dark hair resting at her sides, her peach colored lips pursed together, he remembered they way they tasted, their surprising soft texture despite the rest of her body being so hard. He longed to reach down and let his fingers flow through her hair as they had before, it was longer now, but still black as night. He looked at her eyes, only once had he seen them closed for soo long, when he woke up before her that morning before they landed on Ilos. She looked so beautiful then. But now he longed for them to open. He noticed the dark circles under her eyes, she looked exhausted, the paleness in her skin - she hadn't been caring for herself, that much was obvious. He wondered had she had as much trouble sleeping as he had, had the thoughts of him haunted her as they haunted him, every night since him found her again on Horizon. He felt the sudden urge to ask her, but it was too late, he was too late... 'Wake up' he silently begged.

Mordin: "body in a hybernative state, appears still alive, however catatonic, not trace of cause"

Kaidan: "Well fix her! If shes alive wake her up!"

Kaidan could no longer hold it together, all the emoitions he had kept locked away these past 2 years were rushing out. The funeral was the turning point for him, after the incident he was in denial, days went by where he lingered outside Alliance HQ, begging for 'one more search and rescue', he didn't sleep, didn't eat, he just spent every waking hour trying to find a way to find her - never admitting she was gone, it got to the stage where he was eventually led away by CSEC and placed into a holding cell overnight to 'cool down'. He had only threatened Udina by the collar of his shirt, fists clenched. "find her!" he remembered yelling. It was Anderson who led him off, he had taken it just as hard as Kaidan - she was like a daughter to him. Then came the funeral. The ceremony was held on the Citadel, at a military graveyard, there was no body - not that it was even allowed for body remains to be buried on the Citadel, but no body meant no closure. Something in Kaidan broke that day, as he stood there surrounded by the crew, Alliance, and CSEC members, all paying their respects for a hero. It was only now he was coming to understand what, now that it was piecing itself back together, it had been his heart that broke. She had been in his every thought for the past 2 years, looking at her now he realized how much he had missed her, the flood-gates holding back all this emotion had broken, he continued to silently pray that he hadn't found her just now, only to lose her again.

It took great effort for Shepard to open her eyes, they were weighed down and oh so heavy, she was exhausted, her body felt broken, when she did open them she saw nothing but blackness, shakily she managed to stand, instantly noticed her nude body, a black sheet hung along her shoulders and she hastily wrapped it around her form, wondering why it felt so cold against her, her long black hair falling over her front. She scanned her surroundings, beginning to wonder where the hell she was, all she saw was black, was she dead? Last thing she remembered was the bitch Jamerson. Suddenly she saw a light, dull and in the distance but definitely there. She stepped towards in and it drew her in, pulling her vision across star-systems, she watched in awe and believe it or not vast galaxies flashed by her, planets and systems, all dances of light in her eyes. The the travel seized, and her eyes honed in on something, dark at first then instantly recognizable, before her was a Reaper.

Reaper: "What are you?"

Shepard was dazed, and threatened, and terrified. Where the hell was she, why was there a reaper here! What the hell had happened.

Reaper: "You should have died, the poison you were inflicted with should have been sufficient."

Shepard: "You, poisoned me?" Shepard finally answered unable to remain silent, the Reapers had attempted to assassinate her! Shepard was baffled

Reaper: "Yes, we created the form to lure you in, and destroy you, now answer, how are you still here?"

Shepard: "Wait, Captain Jameson was your creation?"

Reaper: "Yes, we created the nessersary memories to create a weakening."

Jamerson wasn't real, she was a reaper puppet created to get to Sheppard, anyone affiliated with her had just been implanted with memories using some sort of reaper tech. That explained why Shepard had never heard of her. That means, Kaidan wasn't with her…. Shepard didn't allow herself to think any further on Kaidan, she needed to be fully focused right now.

Reaper: "What are you Commander Sheppard, the poison was suffieicent to kill a human and destroy all trace, how are you still alive?"

Shepard smirked at this, hell if she had her vodka still she'rd give another toast to the Illusive man, gotta love nanobots, they probably went into overdrive stopping the poison from killing her instantly. "Consider me an upgrade from your normal human." Then realization hit "You see me as a threat, that's why you tried to assassinate me!"

Reaper: "We do not feel emotion human, we are not bound by your weaknesses, we know no fear, you inspire those we seek to destroy, however if you are successful in your mission you shall only prolong the inevitable, you and your race will be destroyed, it is your fate your future, a future you share with the rest of this systems inhabitants. But you prolong the inevitable - that is why you must be destroyed."

Shepard was fueled now, power rising in her inner-self "That's not how I see it, your afraid, afraid you will fail, and you will, you seek to destroy me and you couldn't! You failed today as you will again the next time you make a move, my people are strong, Human, Asari,Turian, Quarian, and all the other species - they will fight! You cant destroy me! And now you've pissed me off, my desire to destroy you has only grown stronger and we are strong, all the races in this galaxy. You, will , fail."

The Reaper paused for a second, Shepard couldn't hazard a guess what the sentient being was doing, a mortal would consider it to be thinking however.. Then that same mechanical voice boomed out, ever as cold, harsh, and sinister

"The destruction of Commander shepard has failed, we will not fail again."

And with that Shepard was thrown back into the darkness, colors whirling past her once again, they she was still, and it was dark again. Once again her eyes weighing heavy as she attempted to open them, this time it was not darkness that greeted her, but light.


	6. Worth Fighting For

_Hi guys, thank you all so much for reading my story, I hope you love it! Just wanted to quickly say sorry if chapters come out at random times or in no particular order, I'm currently studying and exams are coming up so lifes abit hectic at the moment :) But please read and let me know if ya like it or not :"D_

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**Worth Fighting For**

It had been 48hours since Shepard had been attacked by Captain Jamerson, who we now know to be a puppet of the Reapers. Chakwas had ran every test under the sun on her, all had come back identifying Shepard to be clean from any further pathogens, or harmful matter, Chakwas had become fascinated by Shepards implants. She had managed to recover an impossible small amount of the virus from Shepard before her nanotech destroyed it, the virus was potent, even the small amount under her microscope was enough to kill 10humans. She had never seen anything like it, and never again wanted to. Now Chakwas wished to run as many tests on Shepard as possible, the fact she had been with Cerberus was to help people, she knew the Alliance wasn't making the necessary progress to make a difference, but Cerberus – her first few days there were like being in a theme-park, so much technology so far advanced from that which she had used prior to being there, but she agreed with Shepard when it came to the crunch – the Illusive man's methods were extreme, too extreme, doing more harm than good, however the technology that Shepard contained could save 1000s of life's, possible even more, she needed only to find a way to isolate the nanobots inside her then; disease resistance, regeneration – they could all become possible! Chakwas felt her scientist nature come out and recoiled, Shepard was her friend first and foremost, at what's more, if the reapers were not stopped none of it would matter anyway. The doctor leaned back in her lab chair, watching Shepard receive food from the mess, the woman herself was a miracle, surely she could achieve the impossible once more… and when this is all over ill ask her for a sample of those nanobots of hers. Chakwas smiled with hope, and returned to her work.

Shepard had a plan, she needed to start a movement, if the council weren't going to support her she needed to make her voice heard elsewhere, she had made friends these past through years and people knew her, if she asked they would come. But first she needed to get out a message, the council had her on lockdown, the Normandy was dormant and Joker sat in the cockpit losing his mind with not being able to fly, she could cut-and-run but that would go against her, she needed to maintain the trust she had gained over the years. But how would she make herself known…

"Shepard" Miranda's voice called out in surprised shock as she opened her hotel door, Miranda had decided to take her shore leave at a fancy hotel, of course not under her original name, she feared the illusive man was after her still, after all she was a valuable asset to him.

"Miranda I want to ask for a favour"

"Of course, come in"

Shepard valued each and every one of her crew, their talent, personalities, she had grown so fond of each of them, and can't imagine having survived the Omega 4 relay without them. Miranda indicated for Shepard on one of the 2 comfy looking beige sofas in front of a massive window looking out of the presidium, the room was amazingly tidy with an extreme modern feel, Shepard could see the kitchen with all the latest designer objects, ones she had never touched once in her life, only seen on infomercials online, and a large bar along the back wall, with modern art and a statue of a woman in the centre room. Miranda sat opposite her and Shepard realised she wore only a robe and her hair hung messily around her face, however she didn't look tired.

"I'm sorry if I woke you Miranda, I didn't think to call first"

"Its quite…" They were both interrupted as a shirtless Jacob entered the room

"Shepard…" Jacob re-entered the room from which he came tossing a shirt over his head. Shepard always knew these two had something, she couldn't help but grin as Miranda cheeks lit up pink and Jacob came to sit beside her, eyes not leaving the ground.

"Good to see you're both taking the time to unwind with shore leave" Shepard said still grinning.

Neither of the two said anything.

"Anyways, I need you to track down someone for me Miranda, she's here on the Citadel but I don't know where, I think she might be undercover, I know you have the information gathering and interception talents to get in and get her out without breaking the cover of whatever assignment she is currently doing".

"That's not like you Shepard, wouldn't you just barge on in and grab her out, when you want something you get it ya'know" Jacob stated, making her smile at how much her crew knew her, she was more of a tank type than a infiltrator.

"That's why I need Miranda to do it, I need this woman's help, and I'm sure she won't give it if I ruin her assignment".

"What's her name?" Miranda asked straight to the chase, after Shepard helped her with her sister Oriana, Miranda would go to the ends of the earth for Shepard.

"Emily Wong, she's a reporter".

"Wouldn't this sorta thing be more suited to Liara Shep, she is the information broker after all?" Jacob asked, probably wondering why his romantic get-away was about to be cut short.

"I've got something else I need Liara to do; Miranda is my best option for this".

"Consider it done Shepard". Miranda smiled kindly

"Thank you, something's about to happen, I'm glad your both at my side to help me".

All 3 of them got up as Shepard headed to the door, "You sure you don't wana stay for a drink, Miranda makes the best Margaritas". Shepard smiled, "Oh I'm sure", she headed out the door and the couple stood waving her off, she called from down the corridor "You two look cute together!" You would be able to see Miranda's blush a mile away, she turned back one last time to see Jacob wrap a muscular arm around her and lead her back inside. Shepard smiled once again.

Shepard heading to the café where she was due to meet Liara, the asari was seated at round table by the gardens a drink in one hand and a datapad in the other, she never knew when to stop working Shepard smiled. "Liara", "Shepard", Liara looked up putting down the datapad,

"Its nice to be out her, I had forgot how peaceful the Citadel is"

"Yeah I bet, the shadowbroker homebase didn't really look that attractive…"

"No, it was a lonely and hostile place… It is good to see you up and about however, to think the Reapers could do that, I did some research, the Reapers were creating a human Reaper to find the most efficient means to kill us, this would have been the same with the Proteans, surely using our genetic material would allow for certain abilities possessed by the species to be inherited into the Reaper, I believe the Reapers must have destroyed a species before possessing telepathic powers of a sort, that's how that specific Reaper was able to contact you" Both stared at the table in wonder.

"Liara, the Reapers must not accomplish their goals, if the council alliance and whoever else refuses to help we have to help ourselves".

Liara nodded in agreement

"I need you to do something for me…"

Shepard explained her plan to her friend, they sat at that table for over an hour going through details with one another, till their discussion had ended and they knew what they needed to do.

"Thanks for your help Liara" Shepard said to her friend putting down the Latte, and getting up to leave.

"I will always be here for you Shepard". Liara stood up to watch her friend leave then picked up her datapad once more and begun work.

Shepard made one final stop on her way back to the Normandy. She stood at a lookout point by the apartment section of the Citadel, watching over the edge as the lake shone beneath her in the animated evening light and traffic vroomed by in the distance, it was peaceful. Worth saving. Two children ran past in a park below chasing one-another, giggling, maybe one day she would be looking at the same sight only her children, she had always wanted a child, and she had even found a man worth having one with. She allowed herself to dream, a quaint house by the lake in Vancouver, two children a boy and a girl, Kaidan playing catch with them in the garden, tucking the children into bed and seeing Kaidans dark high aglow with the fire, snuggling up to him on the couch and him kissing her lightly on the head. She opened her eyes noticing the escaped tear fall from her face. She wiped her eyes and headed back to the Normandy. That dream, it was worth fighting for.

* * *

_Ohohoho, end of another chapter, sorry there was no Kaidan in this chapter, i promise your'll get your fill of him later on :3_

_Thank you for reading xoxo_


	7. Battle Cry

**Battle Cry**

* * *

Flux had changed in the past 2 years, Shepard recalled the laser lights and beating music she had been indulged with on her previous visit, now it was more like a lounge, easy beats sounded out from mini speakers, the floor had a few designer lounges around with artistically dressed dancers, moving abstractly against the walls. A type of plant vine hung beautifully from the walls, they looked to contain hundreds of tiny lights as they sparkled and lit up the dancers bodies – Shepard had recognised the plant from one of their off world trips where Liara had mentioned it, it was called Dersitia or Luna Vine, apparently it was extremely hard to maintain and relocate, kudos to the owner Shepard thought. Shepard was seated at a secluded table towards the end of the club, it was just past mid-day and the club only had a few patrons, a Turian hanging out at the bar, the Human male bartender who had guided her to her seat, and the petite Asari waitress who from her terrified expression was new. She swirled the drink in her hand, watching the alcohol blend with the soda, shore leave was going to make her fat...

She saw Miranda enter the lounge, Miss Wong infront of her with a distressed look on her face, Shepard wondered what crazy story Miranda had come up with to get the reporter to drop her current assignment, Shepard was sure what she had in store wasn't going to disappoint the girl but Miranda had yet to know her plan so would have to have thought something up; 'non-monotone Elcor' perhaps? Shepard smirked.

"Shepard, this is definitely a surprise, possibly a better one than what your 'friend' offered", Wong said as she sat down, definatly the Elcor Shepard laughed to herself. Miranda remained standing, keeping a lookout though it was not interely nessersary for their converstation to be so closely guarded.

"Emily I need your help. You're a reported, I bet your've heard a lot of what has already happened"

"I heard a rumour, a 'disturbing' rumour that you betrayed the Alliance and worked for the Illusive Man". Shepard frowned at this, this very rumour caused the rift between her and so many, between her and Kaidan...

"It's not entirely true…" Wong's eyebrows raised, begging her to go on "I did work for Cerberus, but not as a part of their organisation, I had my own objectives, which was to prevent the abduction of anymore human colonists, an objective the Illusive man shared, he funded me where the Alliance could not (Shepard thought it best to leave out the 'dying' part), I achieved my objective and cut all ties to the Illusive man and Cerberus. He wasn't to happy about this as you can imagine" Shepard saw Miranda flinch, "But his methods were extreme, we no longer have any contact".

"Ok" Shepard saw Wong pull out a datapad a scribble a few notes, "Shepard you've already given me enough to have a hit story on the extranet but I'm guessing there's more"

Shepard lifted her eyebrows "How did you know?"

"There's always more with you" Emily eyes gleamed with the thought of what she was about to hear, her reporters head going into overdrive with the possibilities.

"I need you to help me spread news of the Reapers"

Wong immediately looked confused, "The Reapers? That thing that attacked the Citadel? That was just a one-off crazy alien thing wasn't it?" Shepard frowned thinking how far the council had gone to cover up any hint of the Reaper threat.

"No, the Reapers are real, I have evidence, the human colonists that were being abducted were being processed by collectors to create a new Reaper, and whats more, theres a whole heap of them out there in dark-space, about to come and destroy every living creature in our systems".

Shepard watched Wong, the reporter looked ill, Shepard knew right to go to her, Wong had no reason to mistrust Shepard, after all she had helped her multiple times with organised crime on the Citadel. Wong raised a hand and called over the Asari waitress, who returned minutes later with a drink which Wong practically inhaled.

"So what's the plan" Wong finally spoke

"I need to get the word out, I have friends people I trust, the council refuses to believe the Reapers exist even though I've tried to convince them time and time again, I need an Army Wong, the Reapers will be here whether we are ready or not, and I'm here to make sure we are."

Wong stood up in her chair, her eyes gleaming with inspiration, "follow me!"

Shepard and Miranda followed Wong to her office, it was in a large news building not far from where they were.

"Hey Emily good to see you back so fast, what happened with that rouge transmission case, you off it already?" A messy looking human said, he had a hovercam in his hand.

"Brian get the gear, the crew, everything!"

"What? Emily whats going on?" He turned then to see Shepard "...Wholly fuck… 5minutes" he yelled as he ran out the door.

"I always knew you'd give me that exclusive interview Shepard" Emily smiled at her, she looked like a child at Christmas.

"wheres is your network hub?"

"The back wall at that terminal, why?"

"We need everyone to see this, not just Citadel space".

Wongs face lit up further, the idea of breaking the law was apparently appealing to the young reporter.

"EDI" (Shepard opened her omni tool and the blue glymph erupted out of it)

[Yes Shepard]

"I need you to hack into as many different extranet networks as possible through this terminal to allow direct transmission of a video"

[One moment]

A new terminal opened and thousands of locations and names began popping up on screen, Shepard heard Emily gasp with excitement, and cameramen and crew began to fill the room.

Another window opened and Legions face poped up on screen, "Shepard Commander, AI has informed us of the situation, offering assistance"

"Offer accepted"

With that several other task bars emerged with more and more locations loading.

"Shepard… was that a geth?" Wong asked, her face slightly sour.

"Legion is a friend" Shepard answered worried that Legion may have frightened the reporter out of her help

"…Can I interview him next?" The girl asked with glistening eyes

Shepard laughed

"Everything's set up and ready to go boss" The boy who's name she now knew to be Brian called out

"Ok! Let's do this!" Emilys enthusiasm knowing no bounds.

With everything now being ready Shepard began to feel anxious, what if this didn't work again, what if the galaxy betrays her like so many had before… Shepard looked around the room, various employees of the building had come to see what the fuss was about and all the faces of the room were on her, she looked to see a small child wrapped in her mothers arms, she remembered the thought of Vancouver, the children playing in the yard, their smiling faces, their laughter, the fire, Kaidan kissing her head. Her dream worth fighting for, the child noticed her staring and her mouth opened with a wide smile revealing her missing front tooth, Shepard smiled back. Then with a deep breath…

[And 3…2…1…

_My name is Commander Jane Shepard of the Alliance Vessel SSV Normandy. Many of you may have believed me dead, or a traitor to humanity, neither of these are true. I stand before you now as ever a Paragon of my people, willing to fight for humanity and her friends till the death, a fight which is now upon us._

Wong cued one of the techs to begin rolling the Reaper clips

_This is a Reaper_

Shepard saw in the corner of her eye the footage of the human based reaper, lying dormant in the collector base

_Built from the corpses of hundreds of thousands of humans, humans which I failed to save... _

Shepard cringed as the vid went on to play the colonists getting processed

_You may also remember the Reaper which attacked the Citadel 2 years ago_

More footage was played of the destruction of the Citadel

_Me and my crew managed to defeat it, though it was no easy task, many lives were lost that day, even the lifes of the council were nearly taken from us. But thanks to the sacrifice of many, we survived. _

_However the threat is not over, and to admit otherwise is to spit on the graves of those who died that day. The Reapers are coming, with one goal, to destroy all organic life. There is no escape, no hiding, and we know this because the Proteans tried._

A seen from Iios poped up on screen

_Their people were slaughtered, down to the last child, but we have something they didn't, diversity. _

_Human, Asari, Turian, Krogan, Salarian and all others, all formidable races, all proud, and strong, I ask you now how will you take this threat?_

More footage – this time of the collector swarms hunting down the colonists

_Will you hide?_

_Falter? _

_Or will you fight? _

_I will fight. _

_Fight till my dying breath, because I have something to fight for, I fight for my homeworld, this unity of races that inspires beauty such as the beauty I see in my ships design, I fight for my friends, my family, I fight for the people I love!_

_But I cannot do it alone, help me, and in doing so, help yourself._

…and 3…2…1] "that's a wrap!"

Shepard exhaled, her body was shaking, her chin trembling, it was done – her battle cry, now all the remained was waiting for the cavalry to arrive.

"A toast to our new celebrity!" Garrus called out. Everyone in the mess cheered as bottles popped open and smiles were all around. Shepard couldn't help but smile, finally they could begin fighting back.

The noise hallowed out as 3 men entered the mess, Shepard couldn't initially make out their faces due to the crowd, their uniforms indicated they were Alliance. The men were close now and all that stood between them and Shepard was Grunt, a large enough barrier one might say. "Move Krogan!" An angry voice called out from behind Grunt. Shepard rose and placed a hand on his back telling the giant she was ok, not wanting a fight to break out. Grunt moved aside with a humph, he probably wished for the opposite. And there he was, Kaidan, and two Alliance soldiers. She caught his gaze and he instantly broke it, she could see in his eyes in that moment that he was tormented. He regained himself and looked up to her again, this time collected. "Commander Shepard, you have been summoned to Alliance HQ".

* * *

_Ohohoho hope you liked it, sorry to leave you all on a bit of a cliff hanger... I promise there will be another chapter out as soon as i get some of these pesky assignments out of the way. And yayyy Kaidans back - and oh so angsty... And i sticked to the original name Jane Shepard as its probly the one you can all most relate to, even though my Shepard is called Selene :")_

_Thanks for reading :3_


	8. The Alliance

**The Alliance**

* * *

The meeting with the Alliance had lasted at least several hours and had left Shepard exhausted. The room had been filled with Alliance members including Admiral Hackett leader of the 5th fleet, as well as the leaders of the remaining 1st 3rd and 6th fleets. Her mother was also present - even though Hannah Shepard had rejected the position of Admiral she still was given the respect of one with her current command of the SSV Orizaba. The room also had docks for several vidcoms, one of which showed Councilor Anderson who was currently on Earth with some classified Council business. Originally a majority of the room were pissed with the news – leaking material online without their knowledge leading to an uproar was apparently not only illegal but highly frowned upon. But with her Spectres status there was little they could do now to reprimand Shepard, even though she questioned if she still had her title since she had been ignoring calls from the council ever since the vid was streamed. Then came the concern, given the footage and Andersons constant backup the Alliance were finally opening up to the full entirety of the Reaper threat. The discussions continued for hours and the facts were realised – the Reapers were coming and the Alliance would support Shepard in her efforts.

"Jane!" Shepard turned in the corridor to see her mother approach, the womans short dark hair trapped in a small ponytail sticking out from the back of the N7 cap Shepard had got her one Christmas. The woman looked the most casual out of everyone that had been in the room, wearing only a hoddie and slacks.

"Mom!" Shepard called back bracing herself for the hardened womans bearhug, "You got time for a drink?" Her mum asked, thought it wasn't really a question, Shepard knew better than to say no to her mother, everyone did. She linked her daughters arm in her own and led her down to the buildings cafeteria, the room was mostly empty and just as drab as Shepard had remembered it. White walls lacking windows, with benches and tables scattered around the floor, a large buffet table up front and the coffee machine, she smiled briefly at its familiarity as her mother set about making the two black coffees with no sugar – she hadn't changed. Both woman slumped down onto the nearest seats, the room was pretty much empty except for a couple of young soldiers at a table across the room who quickly fled when realising that the Shepard's were in the room.

"So here you are 'my' daughter – busy saving the galaxy, no wonder you never call" her mum smiled, lines appearing around her eyes and face. Shepard looked a lot like her mum, same stature, height, and thick dark hair, her eyes however – she had her father's eyes, blue like the sea, her mother had always mentioned how similar they were after he passed, her own eyes were hazel, nowhere near as striking as Jane's. "Mom I want to apologize" her moms face turned troubled "I know this isn't the life you wanted for me, hell you tried shipping me off to Aunt Sarahs so many times during my youth I cant even remember to count, and this isn't just some war, lots of people are gonna die, so I want to say im sorry, sorry your only daughter is a part of this, because I don't know if im going to survive this one". Shepard looked down into her black coffee, feeling the guilt wash over her. 'WACK' Shepard looked up to see her mums hand pushed hard on her head, "don't be soo stupid!" Her mum practically yelled, Shepard shocked by the impact of the hand on her head. "I knew who you were when I first laid my eyes on you, I saw in your eyes the same passion, drive, and strength your father had, that same drive he insued in me. This is you Jane, through-and-through, and hell if I had thought you were going to be a housewife I would have wondered if they'd swapped you at birth! The only reason I asked you to go stay with Sarah is because I wanted you to have the choice and a chance at a normal life, to not feel that this path is your only one. I'm so proud of you baby, and I know your father would be proud too". Emotion welled in her mother's eyes and she rested a hand on her daughters "stay strong Jane, you're a Shepard!"

Shepard spent a long while telling her mom about her crew, she was particularly interested in meeting Jack, and Grunt – her mom laughed saying battlemaster seemed like another word for mommy to her, and how she was too young to be a grandma. For the longest time Shepard was at home again in this bland room with her mom, nibbling on Alliance rations from the buffet and drinking terrible black coffee, the woman laughed and smiled and Shepard was happy.

"Shepard?" An all but familiar voice called from behind her, both woman turned to look "And umm Commander Shepards mom – Commander Shepard" Kaidan said awkwardly loosing all collectiveness as he stumbled into a salute for her. "Jesus Christ Alenko – At ease, any one would think you just met the local sheriff whose daughter you'd been messing around with". Kaidan let out an awkward laugh, but he was still unhinged and Shepard too feared looking at her mom right now incase her eyes betray her. "Anyways I ah wanted to see how you were Shepard, I heard from Anderson that we going to support you and um… yeah, how are you?" ...This was getting worse by the moment, Shepard had never seem Kaidan so rattled, her mom had the cat in the bag on her last comment, Kaidan was acutally terrified of Shepards mom, so much so Shepard actually thought he'd probably rather be facing a husk in hand-to-hand combat right now! "I'm good Kaidan" Shepard called out hoping this would just stop and her mother would somehow be completely oblivious to the obviousness of the situation, Kaidan looked from Shepard to her mom, "Good? Good! Well congratulations! Ahaha… Ill see you around Commander Shepard, and umm Commander Shepards mom – Commander Shepard!" once again attempting the painful salute, he walked out the room, both Shepards watched in utter disbelief of the randomness that had just occurred. Shepard sheepishly turned to face her mom 'don't let her have guessed, please God, don't let her have guessed' she begged in her mind. Shepard looked up from her coffee, her mothers eyes instantly boared into her own. "Well well well, Ive met Staff Commander Alenko a handful of times now, but I must say – I have never seem him soo jittery… any ideas what might have caused it?" Her oh so apprehensive mother asked with a smug look. Shepard took a sip of her coffee doing everything possible to avoid her mums gaze, "this place really hasn't changed has it!" The nervous Shepard made the attempt to change the subject. Suddenly her mothers hand was on her arm once again, "enough playing Jay, hes a good man – and I'm happy for you, hell we all break the laws from time to time and with what you've gone through for our sakes, I say you deserve a bit of happiness here and there" he mom smiled as did Shepard, all that worry for nothing, had Shepard actually expected her mom to dob her in though, her own father was also Alliance and her mom broke the fraternization law to be with him yet Shepard was still surprised her mother had been OK with it, good surprised though.

"So whats he like?" Her moms face suddenly looking a lot more devious "mom!" Shepard complained embarrassed by the older womans interest, "oh comeon! I need to know your being taken care of!" "God mom, no! Besides its not exactly, you know… its complicated…" Shepard looked down at her coffee once more, "Oh for God sakes child, you like him he likes you, stop being so nit-picky! Lifes too short! Literally – doesn't all this impending doom make you just wana get down and have alittle fun!" Shepard felt bile rise in her throat. "OK mom, that's just wrong!" "I was young once too! OK, ok but all comedics aside, don't let him pass you by Jay, your father was Alliance with me, I broke the laws, haven't regreted it once, and I never will - look what he gave me". "And You know when your 'this good' laws just don't seem to matter as much!" Her mom laughed, and so did Shepard – her mom's arrogance was permitted because of her ability, but comedic all the same.

Shepard got back to Normandy later that night she had forwarded a message to Joker to inform the crew that she was OK and the Alliance was offering to support them against the Reapers, the ship was dead when she returned, she had guessed the crew with the latest information were expecting to be called back to duty soon so were making the most of their shore leave. All the coffee Shepard had consumed with her mother had left her buzzing - she guessed the little robots inside her didn't think to process the extra caffeine. She picked up her data pad, filled with information Liara had begun to gather on the several topics Shepard had requested, now would be as good of time as any to start reading through them Shepard thought as she headed up to her room. Her door opened and Shepard was already completely entraled by a certain bit of information about flotilla engineering in space.

"Hey" the raspy voice she knew all too well called out, causing her to tear her eyes from the datapad while almost dropping it in shock when she looked up and saw who was in her personal quarters, standing there in his casuals with a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy.

"Kaidan…"

* * *

_Heyheyhey~~ Hope you all liked this chapter, and the shy version of Kaidan! I figured hell when I met my boyfriends mum for the first time I was terrified and she didn't have a gun, or a space ship with a lot more bigger guns... so yeah Kaidan being so shy and stuff came from that. Also I hope I changed all my 'mums' to 'moms' since a majority of my readers are from America i thought this would work out bettererr... _

_Anyways thank you for reading and stay awesome! xoxo_


	9. Serrice Ice Brandy

**Serrice Ice Brandy**

* * *

"…What have I done" Kaidan spoke aloud as the hastily walked down the alliance corridor from the cafeteria, the whole scenario playing over and over in his head, he had sounded like an idiot! And in front of her mom! He entered the elevator, his fist making impact with the button – a lot harder than necessary, he looked to see if anything had broken but luckily it hadn't "haaaaaa… get it together Kaidan" he sighed aloud. If only he had thought more about going to see her, I mean just her was bad enough – she had no idea how intimidating she could be, but her mom! Jesus… He would have rather faced a husk in hand-to-hand combat! He was worried now, he had tried to be discrete about his feelings and not letting his emotions show but Shepard's mom was cunning, had she seen through his cover? He pushed back his hair with his hands. The last thing Shepard needed right now was the trouble of having fraternization claims, he wondered if she would even talk to him after his stupidity.

Kaidan headed out of the building and onto the street. Alliance HQ was located just out of the CBD of the south-western quarter of the Citadel – a good place for a walk. The shops around this area were more colorful than those closer to the heart of the Citadel, and there were markets. He marveled as he walked through the streets, it was loud and bustling with energy but something was amiss. People seemed rigidit like there was a fracture in each of them, a fracture of fear. Then it hit him, he looked to the extranet screen and saw Shepard's face spread out across various scenes, her message being replayed. He applauded the vast amount of encrypting that would have been needed in order for the Council to not have removed it by now. The message finished and then another familiar face occupied the screen, it was Emily Wong a reported he remembered from when Shepard was first announced as a Spectre. Now it all made sense on how she had done it, except the expert encrypting – that still amazed him, Shepard must have some talented people on her team, he thought.

"…Shepard as ever has been a protector for not only humanity but every species in this Universe. It is vital we trust in her now. I swear on my courier this footage in legit, and as scary as it is we must heed her words and fight. Donations to this cause may…."

Kaidan looked around as a hushed feeling flooded throughout the market place. An Asari girl and her mother were standing next to him looking at the screen.

"Mommy why do the Reapers hate us?" the timid girl spoke

"There's no such thing as a Reaper Maya, it's just a sick hoax"

"That's not true!" A human man standing beside them spoke angrily. "My brother and his family was on Horizon, I know what Shepard says is true, that's why he's dead now, and I have no body to bury, cause all of him was sucked up to make that monster you saw on the vid!" Kaidan could tell the man was emotional, so many like him had lost family to the Collectors, now more than ever he regretted not joining Shepard that day. He had spoken to her so coldly, it was like someone else was controlling him, he never would have spoken to her like that otherwise, but 2 years… It had killed him, he truly thought they had something – he'd never felt like he did that night before Iios with anyone. Ever. And maybe if he had joined Shepard then, maybe it would be different. Maybe more life's would have been spared, maybe this man would still have his brother.

"…Please your scaring my daughter!" The Asari woman begged as Kaidan zoned back into the conversation

"Well she should be scared! My brother had a daughter too, don't think the Reapers will go easy on her just because she's a child! She'll die just the same as all of us!"

A crowd had now formed around the man, he had become some sort of dooms day prophet, hushed whispers emerged around the surrounding crowd and the Asari woman was becoming frantic. Kaidans mood had gone south, he was struggling to understand why he chose not to trust Shepard then, didn't he feel the same way then as he does now. Kaidan turned to leave lost in thought but the sharp grab of his arm pulled him back into reality. It was the dooms day guy.

"You! Your Commander Kaidan Alenko! Shepard was your former commanding officer!"

"Look guy, you must be mistaken, please I'm just trying to walk…"

"People! This man can tell us the truth! He knows Shepard! He was there!"

A larger crowd was gathering, and Kaidan became shell-shocked from the situation, dozens of eyes were falling on his now, "Look, I'm just a soldier, I point I shoot, I don't do 'this'…"

"So you will say nothing. Let my brother's death be forgotten, betray Shepard like all those who she tried to warn before". That last bit cut into Kaidan, if he said nothing here he would be no better than the Council.

He turned to face the crowd, his eyes determined "The footage you see, It's all true. I was there of Horizon when the Collectors attacked, thanks to Shepard I survived. The human Reaper I did not see, but let me say this now – Shepard would never lie about something like this, Shepard cares about all of your life's. She is brave, caring, passionate, and a damn good soldier, she is an aspiration to all of us who enter battle. And I trust her, and that's all you need to do, trust her – she will get us through this".

Kaidan stopped to breath, the man behind him held his shoulder, for some reason he had tears in his eyes. "My brother is smiling down on you, God bless you…" he said. Kaidan rushed away from the area a small applause following him.

Without thinking Kaidan found himself at a small liquor store, picking up a bottle of Brandy trying to get his mind of what just happened. "Alenko!" A woman's voice called out from behind him, he shifted hastily to see who it was nearly dropping the bottle – It was Hannah Shepard. "Shepard.. Uh, Commander.. Mam" Kaidan began again, "please Kaidan, Hannah is fine, and will you stop being so God-Damn jittery your making me nervous!" "I'm sorry Mam, Uh… Hannah" "Good. That was a fine speech back there" "You heard that!" Kaidans face lit up red, twice in one day he had embarrassed himself in front of Shepards mom, he felt like locking himself in a dark room. "Sure did, you know if I were you I'd want a drink too", she said pointing to the bottle in his hand "whole galaxy going to shit n' all" "here" Kaidan said offering her the bottle, she shook her head politely, a small smile emerging from the corner of her mouth. "I'll let you have it, but take care of it, that's the good sort you got there, and you should always treasure the good ones". Kaidan wasn't sure why she was being so serious it was just Brandy. She turned to leave waving over her shoulder "Take care Kiddo and you better take good care of her!" Kaidans heart stopped in his chest - she knew, he looked up hastily to see where she went she was making her way across the street noticing Kaidan looking she turned, "Oh and Alenko – If you don't Ill hunt you down and kill you" The woman politely threatened with a smile before moving off into a crowd.

"Kaidan…"

There he stood in front of her a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy in his hand.

"What are you doing here?" Shepard asked, putting down the datapad with several others on her desk.

"I don't know, I've had a strange day really and I guess it lead me here".

Shepard started to feel her palms get sweaty, she hadn't been alone with Kaidan in God knows how long, and the questions that welled up inside her were dying to come out. She remembered the bottle in his hand "I'll go grab some glasses" she offered heading to the door, but she didn't make it far.

"Shepard wait" She felt him grab her arm as she tried to pass.

"There's something I want to say"

"Kaidan the glasses are just down a floor I wont be 2 minutes"

"No. I wont take that risk" He firmly stated still holding her arm

"Shepard, the last few days; seeing you again. I don't know – it feels like everything's changed. You died. And I… well for the longest time I couldn't forgive you for that. That moment between us, before Ilos, that moment meant everything to me. You meant everything to me. Then you were gone. You left me and I was broken, I couldn't eat, sleep, hell I might as well have died! Then I saw you again, but it wasn't me – I had changed. I spent so long dwelling on those feelings of loss and abandonment that when I saw you again I forgot what was really important; you. And I want you to know, well… I need you to know that I'm sorry, I've realized that I shouldn't have been expecting an apology from you, you did nothing wrong. I was the one that abandoned you, I betrayed you when I turned you down on Horizon, hell – from the minute I believed you would bend your beliefs for the Illusive man I had lost myself, I knew you Shepard, and you trusted me as I trusted you, but in my grief I forgot that. Shepard I'm sorry, I've realized you're the most important thing to me in the Universe, you always have been, and I never should have forgotten it".

"Kaidan… I don't know what to say"

"Don't say anything" Kaidan pushed the bottle onto the desk and with both arms now free pulled Shepard into his chest and embraced her. Shepard felt his warmth flood over her, his strong hands holding her tightly, she remembered this feeling – it was the most safest feeling she had ever experienced. She felt his warm breath on her neck she had longed for this feeling, and her chest swelled with emotion. She whimpered his name into his ear loosing control of herself lifting her own arms around his back, feeling his hard muscle beneath her hands. Suddenly his grip loosened and she too removed her arms, allowing them to linger as thy slid from his back to his abs. His eyes looked at her intensively, she saw so much desire and passion in his gaze, it set a fire within her, then his face drew closer, her heart skipped a beat, Shepard closed her eyes waiting for the taste of his hard lips.

[Shepard.]

Shepard opened her eyes, there had been no kiss. She let out a steady breath and tried composing herself, her desire was set ablaze, her heart beating 100x per minute, and her skin electrified. Kaidans eyes were still locked on hers, she could see the same emotions running through him, and sighed with disbelief as she knew she was needed elsewhere.

"Joker" she answered

"Shepard, umm sorry to interrupt, but something big has happened and we need you on deck…".

Kaidans Omnitool lit up as he sighed and hesitantly dropped his hands from her hips.

"I'll be there in a minute" She answered.

Kaidan had already begun heading for the door.

"Kaidan wait" Shepard called her voice weak.

"Shepard, It's okay, I understand".

"Don't go" she pleaded.

He let his breath out, as his body lingered by the door.

"Shepard the Alliance called me in, I have to go".

Her eyes dulled and her gazed moved to the floor as she heard the door open.

"I'm not letting this go Shepard… not for a second time. I'll see you soon"

"Whats going on?" Shepard asked at the deck.

Joker was busy at his station and Garrus also was in the cockpit

"Well believe it or not - but there's a huge-ass flotilla ship right outside the Citadels doorstep!" Joker exclaimed rather dramatically.

[Make that two] EDI remarked.

The screen lit up showing a gigantic ship much larger than the original flotilla ship that had just entered the system. The two ships remained dormant about 2 clicks out from the Citadel.

[Shepard incoming transmission]

"Shepard!" An over enthusiastic young voice emitted, as the screen lit up to show Tali's face.

"It's been awhile Tali" Shepard smiled. Tali had asked to be left after the Omega 4 relay to return to the flotilla, Shepard was delighted to see her good friend again.

"Liara said to come as soon as possible with the shipyard, we saw the broadcast on the way here, but actions always speak louder than words don't you think?" Tali smiled.

Shepard shared the smile, who'd have thought Liara could get things in motion so fast.

"Umm Commander, I'm not entirely sure whats happening here, care to enlighten me?" Garrus asked looking slightly dumbfounded by the whole thing.

"Ditto" Joker added.

"We're at war gentlemen, for war you need ships". Shepard stated.

"EDI inform the crew there will be a meeting at 0:800 tomorrow".

[Yes Sheppard]

* * *

_Dum Dum Duuuum_

_And the wheels start rolling..._

_Sorry if I got this wrong and if the Quarian people make there ships on planet, I did do a wee bit of research into it but found nada on ship building... therefore I presumed that they might have a big-ass shipyard somewhere. Hence 'waallaaa' shipyard. If you think or know it to be otherwise - please don't kill my dream. Now your all gonna have to wait till next time to find out what they gonna do with it - mind you it's pretty obvious... or is it... Mahahah _

_Anyways thank you all for reading! And if you likey please review or favorite or both - your lovely comments motivate me!_

_Also sorry if it's taking me ages to release chapters... I have exams. Go me! xoxo_


	10. Over a drink

******Over a drink**

* * *

The hard sound of armored boots on metal echoed throughout the massive interior of the Quarian Shipyard, as Shepard and the Normandy crew made their way down the base of the ship. It opened on both sides to space so Shepard and her crew were fully suited, the inside containing enough room for at least 2 full sized Flotilas.

It hadn't taken much persuasion to get the Councils approval for the Normandy to dock with the Shipyard, despite the Quarians not holding much ground within the Council races, the Council were not daft enough to turn away a potential asset, especially one so expansive as the Shipyard that now lay dormant right in front of their door.

It had taken Miss Wong only minutes to be on top of the situation and beginning the process of recruitment for ships and donations, after all the funding for this war was to be expensive. Many ships were now within proximity of the Shipyard, some eyeing it up, others monitoring, never before had the Quarians revealed such a ship to the masses.

"…Wow…" Garrus let out, "the sheer size alone I don't see how they've managed to keep this ship a secret for so long".

"Indeed" Samara agreed.

"Shepard!" The muffled petite voice of Tali called through her face mask from the passage the group had just about passed.

"Tali" Shepard maneuvered to embrace her dear friend.

"It feels like its been forever!" She complained.

"Yeah I hear congratulation are in order Admiral"

"Please Shepard, if it wasn't for you…"

"Your father would be proud Tali" Shepard lay a hand on her friends adorned shoulder, remembering Tali's father who's mistake had cost him and his crews life, and led Tali to an exile, one Shepard managed to prevent. However, the truth encrusted itself within Tali, and Shepard could still see it threatened to tear the young girl apart.

"Yes, I think he would" Tali agreed raising her head once again.

Shepard finally became aware of the 4 Quarians who had followed Tali in.

"Kal'Reegar" Shepard noted, offering a hand to the Quarian Commander she had rescued back on Haestrom. Not recognizing any of the others.

"It is good to see you again Shepard" He grasped the hand with fondness.

"Now come" Tali called "there is much to see".

The crew entered the command center of the ship, it followed the rectangular shape of the shipyard with a thick glass allowing monitoring of the Yard. Some of the chairs against the consoles facing the window were occupied by Quarians working away, however many were unoccupied.

Tali followed Shepards gaze "I was only able to gather 60 scientists, 83 altogether including flight crew and security" Tali spoke seriously, "25 of which were from my own ship... despite my new found position I was unable to rally anyone Shepard. Many were reluctant to join our cause".

Shepard saw the dismay through her friends mask.

"It's a start Tali" she smiled reassuringly.

"Is there a terminal where I can upload EDI" Shepard inquired.

"EDI?" one of the Quarians following Tali round questioned, as Tali indicated a console close to where they stood.

"My ships AI" Shepard answered curtly.

The Quarian stiffened. "An AI?" He looked alarmed and begun over to Shepard. Reegar hastily grabbed him by the arm as he passed, and Shepard inserted the chip into the system. EDIs blue icon immediately rose in a holograph port at the center of the room, the crew gathered round.

[Analyzing…. Shepard I have calculated this ships maximum output, also added the necessary files for the Turian Thanix Cannon and Alliance Heavy ship Armour have been entered into this ships database]

Tali nodded to Reegar who immediately set out with the others following them to analyse the upgrades.

"Are you sure the Alliance and that are cool with you throwing around their badass upgrades like this?" Jacob inquired. It had been a large topic of concern at the crew meeting that morning.

"Yeah…" Shepard sheepishly stated.

"You never asked did ya?" Jacob probed.

"Maybe…"

Garrus sighed. "Worst case scenario - there will be some powerful ships out there by the end of this".

"That's provided any of us survive" Miranda added.

Most of the crew went silent at the thought of this, the sheer pressure riding on each of them was suffocating.

"I want a ship" Jack stated eyeing up the Thanix Cannon projected from a nearby terminal.

"Me too" agreed a mesmerized Grunt.

"Mmmmm.. Calibrating" Garrus cooed.

Shepard sighed at the apparent children in her squad.

Shepard headed with Jacob, Miranda and Garrus to the Alliance building, Miss Wong was also in tow, looking very formal in a suit, you could see perspiration resting on her brow as the young woman was mildly dreading the meeting with Alliance brass. She who had aided the creation of the signal was now wanted by the Council under suspicion of leaking unapproved material to the masses, but Shepard needed her to get the story together – to inspire and move, and create the army she needed, to start the war she couldn't prevent.

The five of them entered the main lobby where an armed escort led them to the meeting hall. A bit over the top Shepard thought but seeing the media out front, the Alliance probably felt it their duty to put on a show of arms.

The doors to the hall were pushed open by two door guards, this room was on a different floor to the other, and looked from the outside a lot more formal.

As Shepard stepped through she instantly saw the room arranged like a courthouse, with the main Alliance figures at a panel up the front of the room, then a floor, then an arrangement of chairs set into a concave measure so all were able to see the floor in a half-moon shape.

Shepard was greeted with nods from many a person in the room, she instantly recognized her mom from her casual attire seated at the front of the house.

Councillor Anderson greeted her and indicated for her to step onto the floor.

The meeting was curt and the war plan declared, most ship captains were present and were issued dates to get their ships serviced by the Quanari Vessel, there was initially much displeasment to Shepard revealing of the Heavy Armour upgrade, with many eyes falling on former Alliance Soldier Jacob Taylor, who didn't show any hint of intimidation or remorse and was let of the hook, solely because of Shepards influence.

It was around half way through the meeting that Shepard felt a gaze lingering on her, it unnerved her – though not in a disturbing way. She became flustered, and struggled to keep attention on the conversation around her.

Anderson: "….Admiral Hackett what are your opinions on the not only equipping…."

Shepard scanned the crowd, the gaze burning through her.

Hackett: "The first fleet will be…."

Then she saw it - his eyes, golden in the lights. His stare deep and intense.

Kaidan noticed Shepard when she became aware of his gaze. He hadn't meant to stare with such intent it was just that after 2 years of never seeing her he felt like if he looked away she might disappear. So much of Shepard was fantasy for Kaidan, he wondered how a figure so strong, and so inspirational, could exist. A small smile broke the corner of his lips, a smile she returned.

His eyes burned into her with intent. She instantly felt her palms become clammy and her heartbeat quicken, god if it weren't for this meeting she'd run to him right now. And his smile… She felt her heart rise in her chest and her body become hot for him. She couldn't resist to return the smile.

Hackett: "… Do you agree Shepard?"

Anderson: "Shepard?"

Shepard hastily dropped the gaze, regaining herself thought the intensity of that brief moment still showed in her body, she could feel desire burning up inside her. She pondered at how innocent her body had become after 2 years, desire showed on her so easily, she could tell her face was flushed, god she felt like a teenager again.

"Yes Admiral that sounds fine" Shepard allowed. Clearing her throat from the lust lying in wait.

She hazarded took another look at Kaidan before the meeting closed, he was hiding the humor showing in his mouth with his hand, though his eyes gave it away. He knew what effect he had had on her, god he had felt it too, he prayed she would linger after the meeting so he could find her - he wanted to talk again after the night he went to see her in her loft, well he wanted more than just to talk.

Anderson closed the meeting and indicated for Shepard to follow him out through another door, as the others waited outside.

Kaidans eyes never left Shepards figure as the meeting was called to close. He frantically tried to keep lock on her as the many bodies occupying the room began to leave. He saw Anderson approach her, and indicate for her to follow, he set out to intercept the two…

Suddenly there was an arm on his shoulder.

He turned to see who it was, the N7 cap was the first thing he noticed, then the tanned wrinkled face, then the dark eyes that belonged to Hannah Shepard. "How about I buy you a drink Alenko?" She stated, not at all in a questioning manner. Alenko nodded his head hesitantly in agreement, afraid to make a fool of himself again, as she began to lead him out of the room he glanced around once again for Shepard but she was nowhere in sight.

Kaidan made himself as comfortable as possible given he was with Shepards mom in Flux. He had followed Hannah over to a more quiet part of the lounge where a small table and two chairs were adorned. Kaidan could feel the sweat forming on his brow as Hannah headed over to the bar to order the drinks. He watched her, so much of her was resembled in Shepard, her confidence, stance, and strength, but Shepard was so much more than just that. She had become an icon and a hero. Kaidan sat there wondering did Hannah have that same potential – she did not show weakness, she was as prepared as a Turian, and as strong as a Krogan, but she lacked something. Maybe it was something Shepards dad had given, Shepard had never spoken of her dad, Kaidan knew he was Alliance but still…

"Here ya go Kaidan!"

Hannah stated sliding the tall glass containing what he believed to be beer across the table surface. Without thinking he caught it, it occurred to him then that she had called him by his first name, dumbfounded he gave her a sideways glance. She noted this as she brought her glass to her lips.

"Come one Kaidee, were off-duty! There's no need to maintain formalities". Kaidan smiled briefly to help break the ice and his nerves were momentarily carmed. He lifted his glass and took a deep sip of the bitter liquid inside.

"… Besides, who knows one day we might be family"

Kaidan choked on the remaining liquid in his mouth and spluttered about in a coughing fit, causing a couple over at the table next to him to turn and stare. Hannah leaned across and offered a couple of heavy hits to his back to relive him from his coughing. They didn't help, and the red from the choking was intensified from the embarrassment of Shepard's mom calling him out.

"Barkeep another round over here!" Hannah called out, quickly sculling the remainder of her vessel.

Kaidan followed suit. It was going to be a long and painful night he thought.

"Firstly may I say how good it is to have you back on the Citadel Shepard, I know the Alliance and Council were initially hesitant to support you but I for one am glad you did what you did. Many more lives would have been lost if it weren't for you, and let me say – I won't make the mistake of not supporting you whole heartily again, I'm with you Shepard to the death if need be". Anderson remarked as he headed around the back of the desk, reaching down to collect a whiskey jug and two glasses.

Shepard briefly noted the room, it looked like an office, with a expensive looking wooden desk and a few bookshelves.

"Glad to hear it"

Shepard casually remarked as she headed over to the desk where Anderson was holding out the glass to her. She was beginning to wonder why the old man had asked her to come, it was not as though Shepard minded being around Anderson, in many ways he was not just a mentor or superior but a friend, and the closest thing she had ever had to a father.

Anderson headed over to the window behind the desk.

"I knew your father".

Shepard took the glass away from her lips without even drinking, momentarily shocked about the topic that had just been brought up. Anderson remained at the window with his back facing her, the bustle of the Citadel going past outside.

"He started in the Alliance Navy around the same time as me; we were both younger than, and stupid, always taking risks or showing off". He smiled at this.

"I didn't know him well, but I knew of him. Hell everyone did. That man could inspire a blind man to see and a crippled man to walk. Everyone in the Alliance knew he was going places – right to the top I thought. Then he met your mom. She was hard as nails. Woman were rare in the Navy back then and Hannah… well she always had something to prove or someone to best. She was a hell of a woman, and she still is".

Anderson stopped momentarily and went to the chair at his desk, leaning on it for support, the man was still fit for battle but you could tell his age was creeping up on him.

"Your father, Daniel – He fell for you mother at first sight, he was always encouraging the others to keep of her back and how she had just as much right to be there as any of them, and with it being your father and his charisma then soon believed it, and I guess somewhere along the line your mother fell for him too".

Shepard suddenly had a vague idea of where this conversation was heading and she didn't like it one bit, she had guessed that Anderson had figured out something was going on between her and Kaidan however she had not guessed that he knew where they hoped it was going.

"Anderson I…."

" No-one knew at first, they did a good job of keeping it secret. But then the truth got out and rumor spread like wildfire. At this stage I had bolstered rank and was high enough up to hear decisions made from the top with this sort of thing. Daniel was called in to a meeting".

"Fraternization was just as tolerated then as it is now".

Shepard lowered her head in disbelief. He knew.

"But your father made a choice, one that made the higher up's very regretful. He choose your mom. And that after the next scramble he would resign from the Navy to be with Hannah".

"But your father never made it back from that scramble".

"Your mother carried on, as hard as ever, 2 months later she applied for leave, 6 months later she returned with you and his last name – Shepard".

Shepard felt a weird feeling, one she hadn't felt in what felt like years, as a hot trickle of moisture cascaded down her cheek.

"Now I know I'm not your father, and I'm not sure if I have the right to say this, but Shepard let me give you a bit of guidance. We could have used a man like your father in times like these. Maybe he could have made a greater difference for us in this upcoming war. Love is ultimately selfish, and we can't afford to lose you".

Shepard was dumbfounded, her courier flashed before her, so much strife and overcoming of challenges. That could all soon be over.

Anderson rested the glass on the table then turned to face her before heading out the door.

"I won't report you Shepard, just make sure you know what your doing, there's a lot more at stake here than just petty romance".

Shepard heard the door shut and then stood their in silence.

Both Kaidan and Hannah had had more than their fair share of beers, and Hannah had decided it was time they moved on to whiskey. She sat with the short glass in hand.

"Have I ever told you about Janes father?" she drunkenly spoke.

Kaidan had had just as much to drink but it had less effect on him. She watched as the woman's eyes became lost in the golden liquid of the glass.

"You know you kinda remind me of him, tall and handsome. He was a great man! The best! He'd have to be, he won me over".

Kaidan watched as the woman smiled.

"…and now he's dead".

"He told me he loved me that night before he headed out on a mission, I knew he did and hell I loved him too, so so much. But I just laughed and gave him a kiss telling him to prove it! I remember thinking at that time, me and him against the world, doing missions together, exploring the world, then one day when our bodies were broken and useless we could finally settle down in the countryside".

She started laughing, it was a pained laugh that made Kaidan uncomfortable.

"And that was the last time I saw Daniel. That amazing man was destroyed and taken from me. And I never got to live my life with him".

She sculled the shot of whiskey in her glass and signaled the bartender to bring over the bottle.

"I didn't need him to proof it you know, I knew from every look he gave me that he loved me, but I was young and stupid and god do I regret that being the last thing I said to him".

"He never would have told me you know, how he threw away his courier to be with me, how this was to be his last mission. He probably never would have. I would have felt too guilty to allow it. It was only years later that I found out, he sure did prove his love."

Kaidan saw the emotion welling in the womans eyes as she sculled another glass.

"He's not gone though, our daughter – Jane, so much of him is in her. She has his eyes you know, those beautiful eyes. Anyways.. I had a point! Kaidan Alenko, that girl is all I have left of my Daniel, and you better take good care of her ya hear me?"

Hannah held fiercely onto Kaidans arm, her eyes drunk but determined.

"Yes Mamm". Kaidan answered with just as much meaning.

"Allrighty then, lets get back to drinking!"

* * *

_Hi guysss and galls_

_Sorry I havent writen in agees, hopefully this huge chapter makes it up to you! I'm in my exam period at the moment but should be back into some serious writing within a couple of weeks~~~_

_Thank you for reading and please faviourite and review if you likeyy xoxo_


	11. Dusk

_Hi everyone, sorry its taken me ageeees to post a new chapter, and also sorry about spelling mistakes or anything on this one - its been rushed and ive had exam then work blahblahblah, anyways hope you all enjoy it and ill try get back into the writing swing soon! _

* * *

_Chapter 11 - Dusk_

Shepard slept badly that night; she had finally drifted off into an exhausted state of sleep after tossing and turning from her worries. Her head ached from her thoughts, Anderson knew about Kaidan, and her father who sacrificed his courier for love. Once her eyes closed and breathing slowed as sleep beckoned her mind opened up to a nightmare. Once again she was in the dark, communicating with the Reaper as it stood dormant in dark space, the gigantic Reaper spanned out in front of her, a white light shining brightly behind it, the dark frame of the Reaper blackening out and a pair of deep red eyes boring into her. Her body was frozen in time marvelling in the monsters presence; suddenly she became aware as a hissing from behind her. She twisted to see what it was, but it was coming from her, her suit to be precise as Shepard realised she was in her atmospheric suit and oxygen was being leaked, she lifted her arms in anguish attempting desperately to block the breach as more and more oxygen escaped, her breathing became rushed, her head ached to a point of bursting, and her eyes felt pressured as tears erupted, so she shut them. Her face felt hot, too hot. But her throat and lungs no longer felt compressed. She opened her eyes as hot sweat dripped down her fore-head, in front of her stood a cottage, white picket fences, two stories, a beautiful house, a house that warmed her soul, except it was burning. The sky was grey as thick black smoke rose, screams of horror emerged from the smashing windows, which only released more flame and smoke. The voices of children crying out for their mother. She tried to run to help but her hands were bound Anderson stood behind her "Release me!" She begged. He stared at the house with a blank expression, his badges shining from the flames. The voices kept calling. "Anderson!" Shepard pleaded. She looked over her other shoulder, the members of the council were there, steady as ever. The cries became more desperate now, almost as though you could hear the pain of the flames burning through their flesh. They were unbearable to listen to the sounds of children being burnt alive. Shepard began struggling towards the house, but it was as if ropes were holding her back, no matter how hard she pulled she didn't move. "Release ME!" The screams became more hysteric. "ANDERSON!" She pleaded one last time then the screams stopped as the roof collapsed on those in the house. Hot tears erupted from Shepards eyes. "NOOOOOOOO!"

The Reaper voice spoke to her'Death is all that awaits you'.

Shepard burst up from her slumber, panting, her sheets drenched in sweat. As her breathing slowed she looked across to check the time - 3.30am. She began to shake, everything about that dream had felt so real.

She pulled her knees into her chest, cradling her body. The tears kept flowing as she sat in silence.

Kaidan woke up early morning, the effects of last night hitting him instantly. His head was pounding – worse than any biotic headache he had ever had. He slowly climbed out of bed, realising he was in his apartment, though not having a clue how he got there. As the sheets fell off of his body he realised he was half naked, hastily he turned back round to the bed to make sure no one else was in it – but it was empty. He let out a sigh of relief which he instantly regret as the slightest noise sent him into fits of pain. He stumbled towards the window clutching his head requesting bottled water from the autodispenser at his bedside. He downed the bottle and looked out over the citadel. His apartment was on the 38th floor, near to Alliance HQ in a quiet residential area, the people in apartments surrounding him were mostly families or couples, he knew quite a few of them, Mrs. Davis living next door brought him muffins sometimes and always commented on 'how handsome' he was. The other neighbours joked about it saying she was his girlfriend. It was a nice neighbourhood, it kept Kaidan together, reminded him of what he should protect when he lost his reason for living 2 years ago. The thought of Shepards death made his mood worse. That period had be soo difficult for him, the denial, the powerlessness, but now… now she was back, and seemingly indifferent. When he went to her he apologized, but there was still so much to be said. When he held her…

Left, right, right again, centre, bluff, then he moves – dead centre to meet him 'Crack'. The punch hit Garrus right in the jaw and he stumbled backwards from the impact he shook his head a few times trying to regain his focus and when he had the dance begun again.

They sparred for just over 30mins.

When both Shepard and Garrus were exhausted they headed over to the mess to get some food and water, Shepard once again had only a shake to suffice.

"So what happened?" Garrus begun, leaning on the fridge.

"What do you mean?" Shepard questioned, though already knowing full well what he meant.

"Shepard if I wasn't fully awake just before you could have killed me you know, those punches you were throwing were lethal! Did I piss you off? Cause you know I can do that sometimes, I don't realise I swear it – it's just this thing I seem to do with women… they get mad – I don't know why… I mean I'm fluent in the art of smooth talking but still…"

"-No Garrus I'm not mad at you" Sheppard begun, attempting to hide her humour.

"Oh, Phew… Cause for a second there… Well you know I was worried".

"Yeah I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you, a lot has been happening and well… I guess I'm just tired".

"Tired! Hell if that's you tired… Don't ever spar with me when your in full form and mad.."

"I promise" Shepard laughed.

She watched as her Turian friend regained himself, Garrus was her right hand man, the person she could depend on after Kaidan left Garrus was there for her, in a way he helped pick up the pieces and build Shepard back together in ways Cerbarus could not, always reminding her of who she was and what she stood for. She couldn't imagine where she would be without her treasured friend.

Shepard looked up to face Garrus, when suddenly she felt herself trapped in a hug. The Turians long arms wrapped round her back and her face was smoushed into his chest, she felt her body compress in his grasp.

"Garrus?" She asked, though her voice came out muffeled as her lips pressed against his shirt.

"Yes?" He replied.

"What are you doing?"

"Giving you a hug" He answered dumbly.

"Why?"

"I was reading up on human interactions and found that a hug is a pleasant experience for human as it provides thermal stimulus and muscular compaction which you find pleasant".

For a long time Shepard was too shocked to say anything, the whole situation seemed surreal then finally she spoke.

"Garrus?"

"Yes?"

"Let me go".

"Okay…"

The two broke apart and with one awkward glance they headed in separate directions.

Kaidan spent most of the day lounging, the long sliding window that formed a wall of his apartment was open and the sounds of hovercars flooded into his room. His headache had died down enough for him to cope with the sound. He was glad today was his day off, he had planned to spend the day catching up with his notes on various cases he had done in the past months, a pile had been building up, he loved his job but the written side of it deterred him. He lifted up his data pad to get started on the lengthy task.

[New Message]

_Shepard I enjoyed our talk last nigh-_

Kaidan instantly lost his thought track, his was flooded with thoughts of Jane Shepard; her scent, look, taste, it all came back to him.

The beginning of a mail he starting writing the night he went to see him stared back at him on his data pad. Half way through writing it he wondered if it was the right thing to do, did he seem to childish, to clingy, she's off saving the galaxy and he's expecting her to still be thinking about him. He had told her how he felt, that he didn't want to let her go again, but he never stuck around to hear how she was feeling – maybe she moved on, maybe it just wasn't appropriate for her anymore. His confersation with Hannah came into his head. Janes father sacrificed his whole coureer for love but if Jane did that who else would stand up to the Reapers…

"Maybe it would be better if I just walked away…" He thought aloud.

The idea of it made him sick in his stomach and his thoughts bubble up with anger, he threw the datapad down on the other side of the couch in anguish. Running his hands through his hair wondering why it was so difficult. When he closed his eyes he saw her, the night before Ilos, naked on his bed, her body curved and toned – her hair soft and perfumed as he ran his fingers threw it, his hands cupping her face as her body pressed against his.

He blocked the memory before it overwhelmed him – He needed to get out the house. Kaidan tossed on some slacks then set out for an early evening jog.

The brisk evening air chilled the sweat on Kaidans brow as he jogged along the lake, the track was used by many but tonight seemed quite. He had been out for just over an hour without a break, his legs were beginning to tire and his throat ache with the dehydration of last night's drinks. He pulled to a stop just at the base of a bridge overpassing the lake. This was the route he usually took home, it his tired state he took a moment to watch the artificial light dull to fake a sunset. The light glistened on the lake and could almost pass as believable, but Kaidan had seen many a better sunset. He missed his family, the view from his parent's house, the lake where him and have father spent their days off on a boat with two rods and beer. He wanted to show it to Shepard – her whole childhood had been spent with the Alliance and in ships, he wanted to show her his childhood, English bay, his parents, and their house. He knew they'd like her, and maybe one day he could build a house on the lake for her where they could get old together and have kids.

His thoughts were interrupted by amber hair at the middle of the bridge, barely 100m from where he stood, the woman had not seen him in her state, she leant over the bridge as Kaidan thought he saw the glisten of tears escape her eyes. Snapping his thoughts of Shepard and Vancouver closed he jogged over. As he got closer he could hear the womans sobs.

"Hey there" He greeted in his casual charming manner.

The woman briskly rubbed her eyes before turning to face him, when she did they were red with dark rings under them he could tell she hadn't been sleeping.

She immediately looked guarded.

"Don't worry I'm no one weird, I'm with the Alliance – my names Kaidan – Kaidan Alenko".

The womans eyes finally unglazed and she saw him, colour immediately returned to her cheeks and paled face like she had just woken up.

"I… umm, I'm sorry I don't make habits of crying in public like this… Or crying at all for that matter… It's just…"

"That's okay, sometimes you just need to let it out you know"

She answered him with only a nod.

Kaidan gave the woman a once over, he was worried, that she hadn't just came out here for the scenery. She wasn't carrying a bag or anything, and she wore a plain white dress which clung delicately to her body. Her hair was just on her shoulders and her fringe semihiding her green eyes. He had seen woman like this before – woman that were left behind, who's families had die, or husbands left for battle, woman who felt there wasn't any choices left for them, but this one was different she didn't look so much as hopeless as terrified. Her timid reactions and racing eyes showed it.

"You know if it helps you can tell me about it? I know you don't know me and I don't know you but sometimes that's what helps, just talking about it."

The woman let out a raspy giggle, her voice dry from underuse.

The woman eased her body down and slid both her legs through the railing so they dangled over the bridge. Kaidan remained standing leaning on the railing.

"Your in the Alliance so I'm sure you understand what a chain of command implies – always following the orders from above excetera excetera, but commanding officers become so much more than that, they become people you trust implicitly, people you would do anything for… People you love."

Kaidans thoughts immediately drifted to Shepard.

"Are you also in the Alliance?"

"No, not the Alliance – similar but not the same".

Kaidan vaguely wondered who this woman was with, CSec perhaps – or a private corporation?

"Recently we did a mission, this mission was horrible, many people died – some ours some not, and these deaths they were not natural – there was screaming and crawling and fighting and so much death… The things I saw that day still haunt me I can't sleep, I barely eat, hell I look in the mirror and I hardly recognise myself. And soon my Commander is going to ask me to get back on the ship along with the rest of the crew and face this enemy again. And I can't… I just can't". Tears began welling up in the woman's eyes.

Kaidan watched wondering if he should put a hand on her shoulder or something, he had rarely seen people so fragile before.

"I would do anything for her, anything. Fight those who oppose her, plan with her, comfort her, and I would have loved her if she had let me. But I can't do this. If it were any other enemy – I would… I would…" The woman struggeled to get her words out through the emotion.

Kaidan caved and sat down beside her, a hand resting on the hand she was using to grip the bridge.

"Hey, it's okay… This commander of yours she sounds like an incredible woman, and to inspire such loyalty from you surely she must consider your own feelings. Tell her and she will understand. And don't think yourself a coward for it. People show bravery in different ways and you have been brave – you have been brave for so long, and now you need to rest. Okay".

The woman mouth curved slightly in a twitched smile and she rested her head on Kaidans shoulder. Both of them looked out over the Lake.

Kaidan wanted to meet this commander she spoke of, they way she described her made her sounds like Shepard – perhaps she would be willing to join the fight against the Reapers, but looking at the woman now who was so relaxed Kaidan didn't want to speak, he wanted to just let her rest.

"It getting late…" Finally the woman spoke out, Kaidan wasn't sure how much time had passed, he had completely spaced out looking over the lake and thinking about everything.

"Yeah" he ansered as the both arose.

"Thank you Kaidan, you were right that did help, and I will talk to my commander". The woman smiled at him, a familiar smile, kindness and the hint of desire.

"That's good, I'm just glad I could help"

"Yeah, so umm can I buy you a drink or something to repay you?" The desire in her eyes becoming all the more apparent.

"I'm sorry but there's someone I like and I umm, I don't… Yeah I'm sorry". Kaidan ansered awquardly.

"That's fine, plus I haven't given up on my commander quite yet, maybe I'll give it another go when I talk to her, tell her I'll be here when its all over" The woman said, smiling at the thought.

Kaidan smiled back.

"You take care"

"Yeah you too. Oh and my names Kelly – Kelly Chambers, just in case you ever change your mind on that drink!" The woman called back as she began walking away.

He smiled awkwardly again as she winked at him while she waved.

After that Kaidan rushed back to his apartment to wash of the sweat before he caught a cold.

Shepard sat in the com room as Liara discussed her ambassador plans with several of the crew members, Grunt grumbled replies to her questions with his standing as a member of the Urdnok clan, there next move was to have Wrex give them some more soilders and at the same time use there Turian contacts to get more ships. Liara remained patient with Grunt miniscule responces and Grunt flicked his Battlemaster looks every now and then almost seemingly to see if he had answered correctly or was checking for permission as the planned the engagement. Shepard felt almost maternal with the young Krogan.

[Bridge to Shepard]

"Shepard here"

[Sorry to interrupt but your going to need to get up her p]

Shepard looked around the room and concerned faces mimicked her own

"On my way!"


End file.
